Out of Controversy Comes the Light

It is a wonderful thing when you experience an “a-ha moment”, but when you share that moment and it enlightens others as well… the “a-ha” is so much more than a personal light bulb coming on… you are sharing the light with others.

 Out of Controversy Comes the Light

 

 “I don’t believe in organized religion.” Who knew this statement could get so twisted, so judged and so enlightening…

First of all, I wish to express the very important lesson of listening and comprehension. I stated “…organized religion”, I did not state, “I don’t believe in God.” Those are two separate topics.

God is the label given to the ultimate super power of the world. I do believe in God, the higher power, the Spirit, the Universal Power, Allah, or whatever label one chooses.

God is not the religion of Christian, Hindu, Mormon, Catholic, Judaism, etc. Religions are labels of organized groups defining how one should believe, worship and praise God, not God itself.

So, when I made the statement, “I don’t believe in organized religion.” I was stating I don’t believe in the many different groups of rules and protocol on how one is to believe, worship and praise God. It is that simple.

When I heard the follow-up question… “So, what are you?” I was a bit surprised and I will admit, irritated. I felt that I was being cornered in defending my beliefs and myself as if by not believing in religion I was less of … wait for it…. A human being.

Just because I do not claim a religious group or label my beliefs as a type or style of belief, does not make me any less human, any less of a person, or a non-believer in God.

Let me ask you… How many people do you know, including yourself, have claimed to be of a religious group simply because that is what was taught in youth? “We don’t go to church but we are Baptist.” Or how about as a child, we go to church with our parents, but as we get older, we decide we no longer want to go. However, we still claim we “belong” to the religion.

A label does not make the person and we do not belong to religion.

When discussing this with a few friends, I received replies from, “that’s true”, to “I never thought about it like that” and “wow, so it is ok that I don’t go to church and practice the Catholic faith, I still believe in God.”  

It is not the way you believe, but that you believe…

Choices

Where does our Life Path come from? Pretty tough question huh? Well, sometimes trying to answer questions like this just isn't necessary. Does it really matter where the path came from or does it matter how we travel the path in front of us? You choose which you want to focus on…

Choices, life is just full of them isn't it?

How do we make choices when we feel like we don't have all the needed information? Again, sometimes stuff we think is important just isn't. When we need to make a choice, we make it with what we have at the time the choice is needed.

Think back to all those decisions that if you had to make them now, would you make the same choice? Actually, don't do that, because that isn't even a legitimate question to ask or answer. Asking a question like this cannot be answered honestly in the now, because the now is different from the then. So, with this knowledge I say, "stop beating yourself up now for what happened then."

If we continuously look back and think, "if only", "I should have", or even "Why did I do that?" we will only cause ourselves stress or create chaos that cannot be ordered because the past is the past and cannot be changed in the present.

What we can do though, is learn from the past and how to choose, behave, and be in the present. Think back to those decisions and feel those feelings you had when you made those decisions. I bet if things turned out "good" you felt excited and happy with your choice. On the other hand, if you feel things turned out "bad" you probably felt kind of sick to your stomach or were having trouble sleeping when you made the decision. Just review the situation and feelings, observe the memory.

Now, use those feelings from then to guide your decisions of now. If you felt excited, happy, joyful in the decision, you believed the decision to be a good decision, if you feel that same way today about a decision you need to make, follow those feelings, they are your belief… at the moment.

Waiting for the unknown to become known may close the door that is standing open, waiting for you to walk through. Or it may be a door waiting to be closed so another one can open… Either way, you need to make a choice, take an active role in your life,  be accountable for your life. Stop passing the buck to someone, something else. Take charge and learn to believe not in God, the universe or whatever guidance someone tells you is out there, but in YOU. 

Let the Healing Begin

I have become a bitter person. Wow, what a statement to make and how weird to hear your "self" be the one to make it.

As I sit here this morning, full of thoughtful energy zooming from one thought to another with no particular direction, a thought comes to me that floors my senses. Not only does it surprise me, the feelings that accompany it – not a very "good" Ah-Ha moment I tell you! But alas, it is an Ah-Ha moment and as with all, I believe needs further understanding. Ah-Ha moments are eye openers to understanding life, personal actions, behaviors and finding one's inner balance. So, with this dash of cold water in my face, I am delving into… I have become a bitter person.

Oh, on the surface and as far as everyone can see, I am great, loving life and in fact, I even believed this to be true. It took a thought and a feeling of "wicked satisfaction" for me to realize, "Hey, you are hurting more than you know. Time to face it and heal!"

Along with this realization, I suddenly got the urge to write and words started forming sentences, sentences formed paragraphs… Wow, it is amazing to discover just what can get blocked when there are hidden issues lingering in your soul.

Let the healing begin!!!

Changes in Me

Since starting this journey, I have discovered just how much I have been lying to myself. Telling myself one thing and doing the total opposite, causing myself such turmoil and chaos within me. Wow, nothing like the realization that I was my own worse enemy.

I have been, for as long as I can remember, a "soapbox queen." Meaning, when I feel strongly about something, I dig in, plant my feet and start lecturing on how the other is wrong in their thinking, why their wrong and how they need to change. Yup, I tried to change others and when I failed to change others, I started to dislike the person for not seeing things "my" way and question myself in how can I be around such a person. Wow, what a judgmental attitude!

Secondly, learning to be me. I have always believed that I am "me" and no one could change "me", my behavior or my beliefs. I am strong, courageous; fearlessly stand my ground, … until you tell me you don't like it. Then I will back down and hide myself within myself so I don't offend or embarrass you. Sacrificing "me" to appease. This appeasement isn't just on my behavior or personality traits, but on my beliefs. I will not "force the issue" of kindness to others, understanding and such if it is going to cause an argument or tension for me. I'll back down and let you do spiteful acts to others, as long as I don’t have to be the defendant of myself. I'm a doormat.

I am a controversy within myself.

The changes in me…

In recognizing these behaviors, I also realized that I was ashamed of myself, in that I was ashamed of my proclamations of who and how I am versus my actual behaviors. This realization brought on many questions as well: Is my resentment towards others a projection of the resentment I feel towards myself? How do I change my behaviors to be in balance with my beliefs? Can I change while remaining in my current life position?

Time…

Some time has passed and effort given to be the person I have claimed to be. I feel I am emerging into my beliefs with a conviction to stay true to myself, my whole self, not just the image I show to others, but uniting that image with the image I feel and desire to be.

That is this part of my journey…. Uniting me with me and becoming one.